Feeling Guilty

This past summer I moved from Hawai’i to Michigan.  My husband and I moved to Hawai’i 8 years ago, right after we graduated from college and got married.  It was supposed to be a 5 year plan, so the fact that we had an extra three years out in paradise was quite lucky.

We moved back to be closer to family.  I wanted to be closer to my parents and siblings, and my husband needed to be closer to his family because of his father’s health problems, and all of the concerns that go along with that.  His younger brother has been helping take care of his dad for 8+ years, so now it is our turn to help out.

We came back willingly, but we came back at a bad time.  While our families welcomed us back with open arms, the Michigan economy did not.  We started looking for jobs last year in March.  Neither of us got calls for interviews until August.  As the school year started, I was unemployed and my husband was a seasonal worker at a state park.  Thankfully I got a long-term sub job in October, that has turned very long term, and will carry me through the end of the school year. It is not quite the same as a full time job with benefits, but it is better than waiting for a call everyday.  My husband finally got a job in November, and he is teaching full time.

All is not bad.   Now that we’re back on the “Mainland” I’m able to go back to school.  In January I started working on my Masters degree.  I have been waiting years to go back to school, but Hawai’i wasn’t quite the place to do it.  We are also much closer to family, so we get to see everyone more often and get to help out more, which is great.

Unfortunately, we miss Hawai’i a great deal.  We miss our friends, our jobs, the stability, the weather and the food.  I feel so guilty about missing everything because I am supposed to be happy being closer to family, yet I would love to be back on the islands.  Both my husband and I keep talking about moving back- did we really make the right decision?  I feel that I can’t talk about my feelings with anyone but my husband because I don’t want my family and friends here to think that we don’t appreciate them and that we don’t want to be closer to them.  I do.  But there is so much that I miss.  Hawai’i was such a different, easier way of life.  It was stressful, but a different kind of stressful.  Plus, how can you beat the weather!
Struggling with how to manage my feelings and adjust to living in a new place.


One thought on “Feeling Guilty

  1. Welcome back to Michigan. Changes are never easy. It sounds like you left part of your heart back in Hawai’i
    I’m glad your husband found a full time job, loving the mitten is easier in the spring and summer.

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